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The gift of the Present Tense

One of my dilemmas since my husband died is how to gently navigate my way through the inevitable moments of conversation when I’m not sure whether to explain that my husband died last year.   It’s one of the great inconveniences of the English language...

Widow’s club

It’s “the first Christmas”. One of many firsts since my husband died. I somewhat hesitantly go to a Christmas gathering in the valley where I live. I bump into a friend whose husband died two weeks after mine and we start chatting to a woman we know...

The space to just BE

My 15 year old and I are sitting with our friends. A discussion begins about the hairs on my son’s thighs – my son laughingly complains about the way they are growing (randomly) and our friends gently tease him about them. I say “They’re the...

Birthing slowly into a new life

After my father died in 2017, I had a strong feeling of being stuck in a birth canal. A very tumultuous and life altering journey has unfolded since then that has stretched me to the very edge of my strengths and capacity to cope with life. Eight months after my...

Magenta wolf dreaming

Three years ago, I had the sense that I was about to go through a huge transition in my life, but I couldn’t see my way forward or what I needed to do to facilitate the process. Then I had a most vivid dream…. I was standing at a kitchen sink washing...

The day you died

Of course, I didn’t know this was the day you were going to die. In the morning, I could see your spirit trying to leave your body. Your face would turn deathly pale, almost grey and then you would grimace with effort and the life force would seem to come back...